The Karate Kid (2010)

There is a caveat to this review. Neither of us had watched the original film before watching the remake, and only have a passing knowledge of karate.

Putting aside the unnecessary need for a remake, this film was perfectly acceptable as a formulaic, fish out of water, taking on the bullies, defying the odds type project. Waxing the car has been replaced by putting on a jacket, and the dodgy hair of the eighties bikers has been upgraded to the menacing bowl cut of karate-kicking karate-kickers. There are no surprises, apart from the fact that there are no surprises and it ends.

Perhaps the most cloying fact about this film was that the star’s parents seem to have essentially bought this vehicle for him to improve his acting profile. It’s an understandable tactic, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying. 

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Can we watch the other one? 

The Fox & the Child (2007)

This film should have a warning on it. 

The warning would not be about schmaltz, as one would expect from reading the film description and reviews, but about the dangers of corrupting a child’s mind. Not really appreciating that the film was originally foreign language, the first indication that it was not set in the wilds of Scotland was when the bear turned up, and then it was followed by a combination of wildlife from a variety of ecosystems. Younger viewers may not pick up on this but for parents the eye-rolling starts there and doesn’t stop. Next there’s a death. No sign-posting, No gloss. Just death. Deal with that parents. You wanted a realistic depiction, well here it is, cute foxes die too!

To compound the death and implausible location, we are then treated to a horrendous example of a human trying to befriend a wild animal, through coaxing, teasing and shouting. Whilst many people would like to better engage with the cute animals of this world, they respect the boundaries, back off and leave the wild animals to be wild. This film condones befriending and damn the consequences.

This is an unfair review in that we did not watch to the end, so cannot provide a complete opinion. However, I will say that given the child viewer adores foxes, there was no engagement with the film or foxes and there has been no desire to watch any more, which says a lot.

This film is all over the place and gives a very skewed view of a world, and not a real one at that.

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 3/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: She didn't 

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Despite Indiana Jones being a classic film, loved by many the world over, there was the chance it would not connect with an eight year old if the early archaeology stuff got too much. Of course Steven Spielberg knows better than that and the early action sequence draws the viewer in and before they know, they care about the characters. The action sequences are still fantastic, Dr Jones still has some genuinely funny moments and it is excitement from start to finish.

Obviously the face-melting sequence was prefaced with a warning and a recommendation to hide the eyes, but otherwise, a success.

Adult score: 5/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are there more? 

Annabelle Hooper and the Ghosts of Nantucket (2016)

Let’s start with the positives. The criteria was for a mystery film involving children and this film absolutely fulfilled the requirements. Then we get to the rest of the film. The plot is woefully contrived, with elaborate set-pieces to move the story forwards, irrespective of how lame and leftfield they are. The diary/log book seems to be quite clear (and is in remarkably good condition given its age and treatment) about the clues to follow and yet the mystery has been unfathomable for decades. The acting is perfunctory at best and at no time was there ever any sign that the characters felt anything for each other or that they were in true peril.

It’s Nancy Drew light, for an age that has left the girl detective behind and moved onto ‘squads’ and ‘teams’ but at least having a female lead is something to be applauded.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are there more? 

Jurassic Park (1993)

Watching this film with an 8 year old was a bit of a gamble but worth the risk given just how great the CGI dinosaurs look on the screen. The little one enjoyed most of it but the T-Rex harassing the children in the safari vehicle brought about some anxiety and was watched from behind a blanket. Outside of that, there was joy at the bad man getting his comeuppance from the funny looking dragon dinosaur, and amusement when the Raptor crashed into its reflected image in the kitchen. There hasn’t been an immediate demand to watch the sequels, although there’s little to get too excited about most of them.

Adult score: 4/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Bit scary 

Cloak & Dagger (1984)

This is an odd film populated with clichéd characters and plotlines, and yet it could as easily be seen as a poor parody instead of a harmless family film. The criteria for the day was to find a spy or mystery film with a child in it. Not such an easy task, without having to resort to Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys or Scooby-Do! The plot is standard fare, the acting passable and there is a message in there somewhere for errant parents.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing! 

The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005)

This film is truly rubbish. The Director had previously got away with the Spy Kids trilogy but this significantly blots his copybook. It has been unashamedly focussed on delivering the 3D aspect at the expense of anything else, inclusive of decent acting and a comprehensive plotline. That said, I’m not the target audience and the concept of imaginary superhero partners with marginal superpowers did translate to the child, so you could argue it was mission accomplished. Even then though, it is not enough to forgive how poor and lazy this film is. We’ve watched worse but the wonky CGI, and 3D that wasn’t 3D, got tired very quickly.

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing! 

Nancy Drew (2007)

Nancy Drew is not really that bad a film. The character and story-line has been updated so we have a sassier Nancy but with the same dogged detective traits of the original novels. The plot is uninventive but was certainly entertaining enough to keep a seven year old transfixed for ninety minutes. It’s difficult to be more critical than that – young girl detective solves crimes.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are there any more? 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

In preparation for the launch of The Last Jedi it was a revisit to The Force Awakens, for the fourth viewing, and it still has some emotional resonance. Despite the flaws, the unexplained plot holes that may well be answered in the sequels, it is an enjoyable film that can be forgiven for mining the original films. That was a winning formula and one which, when repeated here, pretty much pays off.

The nods to the original Star Wars film are peppered throughout and bring a wry smile and then the arrival of Han and Chewbacca is heart-warming, albeit bittersweet, knowing what is to come.

There are some nicely presented scenes, the Tie fighters in flight with the setting sun behind, and the X-Wings flying close across the surface of the water. The new characters generally stack up and there are some funny one-liners.

Despite the events of the movie, it is upbeat and now we are due a darker episode, which hopefully The Last Jedi can deliver.

Adult score: 4/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: I love Chewie 

Robo-Dog: Airborne (2017)

Quite implausibly this film has an IMDB rating of 6.1 so my faith in that system is shaken. It is truly risible, with no redeeming features, apart from the fact that it is completely inoffensive so young children could enjoy it. That said, even small children might be offended by the low quality CGI. In some scenes the dog is clearly stuffed but because the actors are talking we're perhaps not supposed to look at that part of the screen.

The plot, although I'm being generous suggesting there is much of one, is solely in support of the title, and leads up to a final, and rather limp, finale, involving an airborne dog. Given that there are 80 minutes between the only two instances of a flying robot dog it is a bit rich using 'airborne' in the title. That said, they did get away with killing off the real dog in the original by leaving him in a hot attic, and the authorities not prosecuting!

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: I'm hungry 

My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

Whilst this was an initially difficult sell for the little one, Totoro eventually won her over. It's a delightful, charming and harmless film with beautifully conceived characters. Totoro is fiendishly unexplained, as is the Cheshire Cat Bus Service which charges across the countryside on its many legs, and despite the occasional darkness with the Soot balls and an ill mother, the joyful, imaginative tone remains throughout.

It does seem as though the film engaged the adult more than the child, and on further probing the scenes of mild peril caused concern, but there's little to dislike about this film.

In a rare twist, this one was favoured by the adult over the child.

Totoro is a character to remember.

Adult score: 4/5
Child score: 3/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: It was okay but didn't like the scary bits 

Homeward Bound II: Lost in San Francisco (1996)

This film adopts an identical plot to the first with the difference being the setting which has now been moved to the city from the wilderness, and the dangers inherent within the inner city. There's little humour on offer, just some talking animals. There's an attempt to develop the characteristics of the stray dog gang but with little to do as such, it all seems pointlessly lightweight. We have the dim but bad dogs terrorising the 'pet' animals and the dim, and lazily conceived dog-nappers. The actors know what's expected of them and do little to exceed our expectations, playing everything as clumsily and amateurish as an unnecessary sequel demands.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 3/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing 

The Adventures of Milo and Otis (1986)

This is a perfectly charming, totally inoffensive, gentle tale narrated by Dudley Moore. We follow Milo the cat and Otis the dog, from infancy into parenthood and all the adventures in between. The only hint of peril is a passable run in with a Black bear cub, so it can be enjoyed by all age groups without any concern.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing

Cheaper by the Dozen 2 (2005)

As is usually the case with sequels, there are diminishing returns and this film is slim of plot, laughter and amusing pranks. It's about coming of age, a father contending with maturing kids and a historical competitive feud between families. There's nothing wrong with the film, it doesn't offend, it's just there and it continues to try to capitalise on the multiple children gag which has worn transparently thin.

That all said, the little one enjoyed it and still wanted more.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are you sure there are not any other films with twelve children in them?

Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)

This film was a surprise package we stumbled across and delivered very satisfyingly. It was vaguely humorous, there were some good life lessons for the little one, some entertaining set-pieces and a happy conclusion. It wasn't crass or offensive, just gentle, preposterous humour.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are there any more films with twelve children in them!

Problem Child (1990)

According to imdb.com this is a family film and is also a comedy, I'm not sure it's either and I think they have also failed to mention that it is offensive. Problem Child is quite frankly awful but unfortunately because the child in it gets up to mischief deemed funny by children, it is supposed to be seen as acceptable. Even the positive message this film is supposed to present is laughable, every child should be loved and adults should give children every chance possible.

There is nothing to recommend about this film. The behaviour is offensive, and this is not a prudish response, but one of a basic requirement for comedic mishaps and not just damn viciousness. The language is offensive, perhaps more acceptable to lower age groups in the 90s, now it's just rude.

We did attempt to watch Problem Child 2 but after eight minutes the language had become so offensive and the behaviour just plain rude that I deemed it too inappropriate.

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing comprehensible