Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)

This film was a surprise package we stumbled across and delivered very satisfyingly. It was vaguely humorous, there were some good life lessons for the little one, some entertaining set-pieces and a happy conclusion. It wasn't crass or offensive, just gentle, preposterous humour.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Are there any more films with twelve children in them!

Problem Child (1990)

According to imdb.com this is a family film and is also a comedy, I'm not sure it's either and I think they have also failed to mention that it is offensive. Problem Child is quite frankly awful but unfortunately because the child in it gets up to mischief deemed funny by children, it is supposed to be seen as acceptable. Even the positive message this film is supposed to present is laughable, every child should be loved and adults should give children every chance possible.

There is nothing to recommend about this film. The behaviour is offensive, and this is not a prudish response, but one of a basic requirement for comedic mishaps and not just damn viciousness. The language is offensive, perhaps more acceptable to lower age groups in the 90s, now it's just rude.

We did attempt to watch Problem Child 2 but after eight minutes the language had become so offensive and the behaviour just plain rude that I deemed it too inappropriate.

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing comprehensible

The Town Christmas Forgot (2010)

This is a made for television Christmas feel-good film, that's all you need to know because you can draw your own conclusions from that and will not be far wide of the mark.

The implausibilities and ridiculous nature of the plot do not bare discussing, there are cliches oozing from every orifice. The acting is perfunctory from the main players and then is a sliding scale from there, to the point that you could believe that a film crew rocked into a destitute town to begin production and some locals drifted onto the set when nobody was looking.

You could blame the failure of this film on the absence of cats and dogs and magic but this would have required high-grade Magic Circle influence to conjure anything special out of such a lame premise.

There are no redeeming aspects to this film.

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Nothing to say and no explanation to justify the high score

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking (1988)

We went into this knowing nothing of the books (apart from the suggestion that the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo lead character had some traits for survival similar to Pippi) or background and the opinions on the final product could not be more polarised.

It's no use examining the plot or plausibility of the film, that's not what it's about. The film is an exploration of a child's imagination and how belief, passion and a lust to squeeze every last ounce of pleasure from life can reap positive rewards. Pippi's imagination knows no boundaries and even in the face of dire circumstances she remains unbowed and disappears down another fantastical tangent. It would be all too easy to suggest it's a tactic for suppressing traumatic events, borne of a dead mother, a fantasist absent father and a string of surrogate parents when it's clearly just a ginger-haired loner growing up in a derelict mansion, plagued by predatory adults and sharing a room with a monkey and a donkey.

The adult found this film thoroughly entertaining purely for its refusal to follow the standard structure of  children's films and to just throw caution to the wind - anything is possible goddamit and we're going to film it that way. The child just thought it was all a bit ridiculous, didn't buy into it and provided the lowest score to date.

Adult score: 4/5
Child score: 1/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Rubbish

Prancer Returns (2001)

As with a lot of these films (also see the Snow Pups/Space Pups series or Air Bud), the formula from the original film is taken, still warm, it's been barely regurgitated, but with different actors, perhaps a different location or timeframe. There's little improvement from Prancer, more a loss as Sam Elliott is no longer involved, and the acting talent on display try to sound and look vaguely convincing but they will not be needing to build a cabinet for their awards anytime soon and the scriptwriter has given them little to go on.

Son of reindeer, disaffected child, grumpy neighbour (Jack Palance providing the historical acting aura and gruffness in the absence of Elliott), snow, Christmas, happy ending.

It's harmless but just not any good.

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: Just the same as the first

Prancer (1989)

This is the innocent sort of Christmas film which is hard to hate. The story is unremarkable and full of the usual Christmas film tropes but it seems acceptable, perhaps because Sam Elliott is archetypal gruffness or perhaps just because you signed up for a magical Christmas film so sit back and go with it.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: People should watch it

Shelby (2014)

This is not a terrible film it's just not really any good. It employs two of the key components, a boy and a dog, with the addition of Christmas, but it all really amounts to nothing. The saccharine American family, with underachieving, emotionally unstable children try to reconcile the reality or fantasy of Santa and the obstacle to happiness is the local dog catcher. It's all standard fare, with Tom Arnold and Chevy Chase well aware that their careers have declined to this paycheck collecting low, but happy to deliver the odd line designed to show the parents the writers and producers do have a sense of humour and are just churning this stuff out to please the execs.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 3/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: We've watched that before.