20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

A chance to watch a classic novel on the big screen and for its time they didn't do too bad a job. The submarine and the underwater sequences look half decent. Perhaps the weakest link in the film is Kirk Douglas himself, or rather the character he plays, Ned Land. He plays his role too much for laughs and not for the trauma or distress of the moment. That really detracts from the tone of the film, which should have focused more on the madness of Nemo and the claustrophobic nature of the Nautilus and its mission.

Nemo is presented as a misunderstood genius but with this film little effort is made to demonstrate why this is the case and even at the end it's not particularly clear why he's sailing around sinking ships, it all seems a little bit of a stretch.

That said, it's an enjoyable enough film trying to bring the great novel to the screen, but with Douglas playing the fool and too much dependency on the sea lion for on-screen chemistry, it won't live long in the memory.

Adult score: 3/5

Child score: 4/5

Adventure Boyz (2019)

The poster for this film suggests an action-packed adventure so the artists did a great job in setting expectation levels to 11, before disappointing everyone. The story is the usual, single parent trying to achieve salvation through bold and unimaginable actions from the kids. It is usually the dad who's been killed off either by illness or a car crash so it makes a change that it's the mother. That said, I think we would have preferred the father to have met with a misadventure to avoid being subjected to a spectacularly wooden acting performance. It's all fairly awful and bears all the trademarks of a film-school assignment cobbled together one summer. The less said about the plot the better, some of the contrivances leading the kids to the diamonds are quite awfully down to last minute, fag-packet planning. Even the BMX racing scenes are poorly conceived and as for the bad-guy on the race track, a sneer does not work as his only menacing trait.

Adult score: 2/5

Child score: 4/5

Robinson Crusoe (1997)

I'm sure Damien Lewis would be happy if this one was scrubbed from his biography because his screen-time is minimal, uninspired and then he dies in a painfully poor display of acting school antics. Brosnan conjures up a Scottish accent which the less said about or experienced the better.

It tells the tale and ticks the smallest of boxes with its representation of the book but there is an unnecessary and inexplicable regularity of naked bottoms, which the child found most off-putting.

Adult score: 2/5

Child score: 4/5 - too many bottoms, too much kissing and too little of the dog

The Princess Bride (1987)

The wife loves this, friends love this, but I can't quite share the love. It's got some good lines and above all Andre the Giant but otherwise little else. It's tongue in cheek and obviously has all of the tropes of a fantasy fun adventure film with outlandish characters but it I can rarely get away from the What and more the Why.

Having watched the documentary about Andre and the pain he was in when he made this film, the efforts they went to to cater for his size and back issues, there is a tint of sadness it is hard to get over. He seemed like a kind and misunderstood man, the film was a big break for him and yet his condition would eventually beat him.

Arguably, you could just forget all that...."My name is....." remains a great line.

Adult score: 3/5 but the wife would give it 5/5!
Child score: 4/5

Cecil (2019)

This film will not live long in the memory and that's a good thing because there is nothing positive and any film which focuses on a lisp causing a child to change his name should be confined to the deepest, darkest archives. Obviously the writing had some childhood trauma to exorcise and we have been made to endure it.

It's hard to recall anything positive, certainly the acting is of a quality not often seen but then if you sign up to be part of this drivel you know what to expect.

Adult score: 1/5

Child score: 4/5

Life Is Ruff (2005)

This is a made for television Disney movie and it shows. The plot is drivel and the acting is incredibly poor. The lead character proves to be both unrealistic and annoying right from the beginning and it even seems that the others in the cast find him equally irritating so have little sympathy.

There is a plot, involving comics, selfishness, dog training and friendship, but all in all it is tedious and difficult to find anything to celebrate.

With a Disney television film you go in expecting little and never really rise beyond that low bar. Watch at your peril.

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 4/5 Despite the plot being weak, it's got plenty of dogs!

The Boy, the Dog and the Clown (2019)

This is a strange film that would never have gained any traction anywhere, and yet there's nothing to dislike about it. The boy plays an odd character who fails to engage with anyone and that includes the viewer. It's hard to empathise with his plight and at times that makes you want to just give him a slap in the face to buck up his ideas. For some reason this seems to give him the authority to talk to strangers at the beach and who better to spend time with than a tattered old clown and his dog. On any day an adult would tell him to steer clear and even the most disobedient of children would struggle to think spending time with the clown was a good idea.

The mother gets sucked in and when the family go on a camping trip, with the clown and dog as companions, we're are asking the same questions, her friends are - Who is this guy? Through a series of ridiculous moments we are led to a contrivance involving a mass of butterflies, redemption, a new life, new beginnings and a new confidence.

It's all perfectly harmless, and the director clearly felt the need to stretch things out with an overlong butterfly eye-opener scene, but you'd have to go a long way not to miss the message being hammered home.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 4/5 it had regular cameos from the dog!