20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)

A chance to watch a classic novel on the big screen and for its time they didn't do too bad a job. The submarine and the underwater sequences look half decent. Perhaps the weakest link in the film is Kirk Douglas himself, or rather the character he plays, Ned Land. He plays his role too much for laughs and not for the trauma or distress of the moment. That really detracts from the tone of the film, which should have focused more on the madness of Nemo and the claustrophobic nature of the Nautilus and its mission.

Nemo is presented as a misunderstood genius but with this film little effort is made to demonstrate why this is the case and even at the end it's not particularly clear why he's sailing around sinking ships, it all seems a little bit of a stretch.

That said, it's an enjoyable enough film trying to bring the great novel to the screen, but with Douglas playing the fool and too much dependency on the sea lion for on-screen chemistry, it won't live long in the memory.

Adult score: 3/5

Child score: 4/5

Adventure Boyz (2019)

The poster for this film suggests an action-packed adventure so the artists did a great job in setting expectation levels to 11, before disappointing everyone. The story is the usual, single parent trying to achieve salvation through bold and unimaginable actions from the kids. It is usually the dad who's been killed off either by illness or a car crash so it makes a change that it's the mother. That said, I think we would have preferred the father to have met with a misadventure to avoid being subjected to a spectacularly wooden acting performance. It's all fairly awful and bears all the trademarks of a film-school assignment cobbled together one summer. The less said about the plot the better, some of the contrivances leading the kids to the diamonds are quite awfully down to last minute, fag-packet planning. Even the BMX racing scenes are poorly conceived and as for the bad-guy on the race track, a sneer does not work as his only menacing trait.

Adult score: 2/5

Child score: 4/5

Robinson Crusoe (1997)

I'm sure Damien Lewis would be happy if this one was scrubbed from his biography because his screen-time is minimal, uninspired and then he dies in a painfully poor display of acting school antics. Brosnan conjures up a Scottish accent which the less said about or experienced the better.

It tells the tale and ticks the smallest of boxes with its representation of the book but there is an unnecessary and inexplicable regularity of naked bottoms, which the child found most off-putting.

Adult score: 2/5

Child score: 4/5 - too many bottoms, too much kissing and too little of the dog

The Princess Bride (1987)

The wife loves this, friends love this, but I can't quite share the love. It's got some good lines and above all Andre the Giant but otherwise little else. It's tongue in cheek and obviously has all of the tropes of a fantasy fun adventure film with outlandish characters but it I can rarely get away from the What and more the Why.

Having watched the documentary about Andre and the pain he was in when he made this film, the efforts they went to to cater for his size and back issues, there is a tint of sadness it is hard to get over. He seemed like a kind and misunderstood man, the film was a big break for him and yet his condition would eventually beat him.

Arguably, you could just forget all that...."My name is....." remains a great line.

Adult score: 3/5 but the wife would give it 5/5!
Child score: 4/5

Cecil (2019)

This film will not live long in the memory and that's a good thing because there is nothing positive and any film which focuses on a lisp causing a child to change his name should be confined to the deepest, darkest archives. Obviously the writing had some childhood trauma to exorcise and we have been made to endure it.

It's hard to recall anything positive, certainly the acting is of a quality not often seen but then if you sign up to be part of this drivel you know what to expect.

Adult score: 1/5

Child score: 4/5

Life Is Ruff (2005)

This is a made for television Disney movie and it shows. The plot is drivel and the acting is incredibly poor. The lead character proves to be both unrealistic and annoying right from the beginning and it even seems that the others in the cast find him equally irritating so have little sympathy.

There is a plot, involving comics, selfishness, dog training and friendship, but all in all it is tedious and difficult to find anything to celebrate.

With a Disney television film you go in expecting little and never really rise beyond that low bar. Watch at your peril.

Adult score: 1/5
Child score: 4/5 Despite the plot being weak, it's got plenty of dogs!

The Boy, the Dog and the Clown (2019)

This is a strange film that would never have gained any traction anywhere, and yet there's nothing to dislike about it. The boy plays an odd character who fails to engage with anyone and that includes the viewer. It's hard to empathise with his plight and at times that makes you want to just give him a slap in the face to buck up his ideas. For some reason this seems to give him the authority to talk to strangers at the beach and who better to spend time with than a tattered old clown and his dog. On any day an adult would tell him to steer clear and even the most disobedient of children would struggle to think spending time with the clown was a good idea.

The mother gets sucked in and when the family go on a camping trip, with the clown and dog as companions, we're are asking the same questions, her friends are - Who is this guy? Through a series of ridiculous moments we are led to a contrivance involving a mass of butterflies, redemption, a new life, new beginnings and a new confidence.

It's all perfectly harmless, and the director clearly felt the need to stretch things out with an overlong butterfly eye-opener scene, but you'd have to go a long way not to miss the message being hammered home.

Adult score: 2/5
Child score: 4/5 it had regular cameos from the dog!

Soul Surfer (2011)

I knew this story, but didn't realise there was the devout theme running so deeply within. The actual incident is played down, and in fact the reaction of Hamilton is all played in a low key. There is a hint of feeling sorry for herself but Hamilton never really loses touch with her roots in surfing, something which would be hard to do when you live on Hawaii and have a view from your bedroom of the crashing waves.

The story is a typical sports recovery/redemption tale, low-level villains within the piece and the challenges she faced but that's okay. We are even given a sports montage as she re-engages and runs through a training regime to turn things around for the national championships.

The original documentary footage at the end adds a nice sheen of authenticity and all in all it is hard not to respect Hamilton's achievement since the accident.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 4/5 because you didn't see much of the dog!

Onward (2020)

The latest effort from Pixar focuses on the relationship between two sons and their dead father. They attempt to complete a quest to ultimately spend one more day with their father but in doing so our protagonist learns that he didn't need the time because he'd had his older brother all along.

There are some clever ideas and the typical couple of set pieces with some nice characters but it falls a long way short of the likes of Inside Out and Toy Story. The lead characters are generally hard to empathise with, despite it being targeted at fathers and sons, but there were plenty of tropes to initiate emotions in the closing scenes.

No doubt kids will enjoy it, particularly the older brother and his wacky ways, and the adults who played Dungeons & Dragons will recognise a few nods, but ultimately this falls short.

Adult score: 3/5
Child score: 5/5