Nativity! (2009) & Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger! (2012) & Nativity 3: Dude, Where's My Donkey?! (2014)

These films are an exercise in human endurance. The creators have applied every aspect of the formula, with the donkey being the variation on the cats and dogs theme.

The first film played upon the endearing charm of sweet children from the Midlands, transforming from talent-less urchins to Broadway scene-stealers, against the backdrop of Christmas.

We have that one from Lord of the Rings and the other ones from The Office and The Wire (with screen time surely less than three minutes cumulatively), but none of them are really trying. To be honest, they don't have to. We are expected to go 'ahhh' and 'ohhhh' as the children experience the peaks and troughs of fame and fortune and by the end of it all any parent will have imagined themselves in the audience at Coventry Cathedral celebrating the success of their child.

This film is dreadful but the Child absolutely loves it. Personally I've accumulated nearly four viewings now and there's been many a dispute where I've refused to watch it again.

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 5/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: "Catch we watch it again?"

Nativity! however looks exemplary when compared to Nativity 2: Danger in the Manger! I'm not sure they tried. The budget must have been slightly larger, to have been allowed alternative locations and the introduction of David Tennant but even he seems constantly bewildered as to where he is and what he's doing. He certainly needs to have words with his agent because post-Doctor Who should not consist of this sort of dross, surely even Sylvester McCoy had better fare.

The plot is the same as the first, just in a different location with different actors and the same cretinous Mr Poppy.

Again, this is unquestionably popular with the Child but fortunately I've only managed to achieve two complete viewings with the odd additional scene here or there.

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 5/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: "Is there another one?"

And somehow someone decided there should be another one. Once again, same plot, different actors, but with the revolutionary spin of introducing the world to flash mobs, about five years after people got tired of them. At least the performers of the dances can walk away with some credibility, mainly given that a poorly conceived film has been shaped around their routines.

Martin Clunes dragged himself away from dogs and Doc Martin to humiliate himself  and be upstaged by poor fashion choices and a donkey.

Perhaps the only redeeming feature is that it's only 109 minutes long and is the shortest of the three. Somewhat incredibly this film is still £5 on eBay so we haven't had to endure the repeat viewings quite as much....but coming soon to a car boot near you....

Adult score: 0/5
Child score: 5/5
First thing the child said when the film finished: "Can we watch Nativity?"